40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work
- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
- Ahhhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
- I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Any connections between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
- Do I look like a fucking people person to you?
- This isn't an office. It's hell with flourescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Oh, I get it... Like humor... But different.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume... Must you really marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, and disorder... My work here is finally done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- Wait a minute -- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
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